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On the Web:
www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Geologist
People-watchers and party guests, take note: Although often found in the oddest, most remote places (and frequently under rocks), a “geologist” can be easy to identify in the wild — once you know how.
To that end, some intrepid observers of the species have compiled a helpful list of telltale signs (dubbed “How to Spot a Geologist”) and have posted them at the Web site Uncyclopedia (which is something like Wikipedia’s evil twin: www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Geologist).
Among other clues, these experts say, keep an eye out for some of the following habits, which are common to the geologist:
- Someone who only includes people in photos for scale, and has more pictures of his/her rock hammer and lens caps than of family and friends.
- Someone who owns a pet rock and is not eight years old.
- Someone who considers a “recent event” to be anything that has happened in the last hundred million years.
- Someone who wears hiking boots constantly, even for formal functions, and occasionally sandals with (obligatory) socks.
- Someone who plans extra time on trips to investigate road cuts along the way.
- Someone stuck on the side of the road without a spare tire — because they removed it to make more room for samples or alcohol.
- Someone who says, “This will make a nice Christmas gift” while out rock-collecting.
- Someone who walks into an art museum and looks at the floors and columns, commenting on the stylolites and fossils, rather than looking at the paintings.
- Someone who can say “Gneiss cleavage” and mean it in a non-derogatory sense.
- Someone who responds to the question, “Is this box full of rocks?” with “Yes — be careful.”
last updated 8/1/08
