People-watchers and party guests, take note: Although often found in the oddest, most remote places (and frequently under rocks), a “geologist” can be easy to identify in the wild — once you know how.
To that end, some intrepid observers of the species have compiled a helpful list of telltale signs (dubbed “How to Spot a Geologist”) and have posted them at the Web site Uncyclopedia (which is something like Wikipedia’s evil twin: www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Geologist).
Among other clues, these experts say, keep an eye out for some of the following habits, which are common to the geologist:
Someone who only includes people in photos for scale, and has more pictures of his/her rock hammer and lens caps than of family and friends.
Someone who owns a pet rock and is not eight years old.
Someone who considers a “recent event” to be anything that has happened in the last hundred million years.
Someone who wears hiking boots constantly, even for formal functions, and occasionally sandals with (obligatory) socks.
Someone who plans extra time on trips to investigate road cuts along the way.
Someone stuck on the side of the road without a spare tire — because they removed it to make more room for samples or alcohol.
Someone who says, “This will make a nice Christmas gift” while out rock-collecting.
Someone who walks into an art museum and looks at the floors and columns, commenting on the stylolites and fossils, rather than looking at the paintings.
Someone who can say “Gneiss cleavage” and mean it in a non-derogatory sense.
Someone who responds to the question, “Is this box full of rocks?” with “Yes — be careful.”